How to Drive Frodo Insane
by Iorhaelwen
Summary: This is an insane little story my insane little mind came up with...please readreview with suggestions or i wont add more! :P
1. The Insanity Begins

"I'm bored," Rachel complained to her computer screen late one night as she beat the only game on her computer for the ten-millionth time. She turned off her computer and picked up her journal, in which she wrote Lord of the Rings fanfictions and other randomness.  
  
"I'm going to write myself into the Lord of the Rings!" she said excitedly. She scribbled furiously, then vanished into her notebook in the land of Middle Earth.  
  
She appeared in the gardens of Rivendell. It was a bright, sunny day, and the gardens looked beautiful, elegant, and serene. But Rachel took no time to admire the garden's beauty, as she was on a mission: a mission to find a certain blue-eyed hobbit of the Shire...  
  
"FRODO!!!" she yelled joyously as she turned a corner and found Frodo sitting with Bilbo on a bench. She raced over to Frodo, and hugged him tightly, as Bilbo stared curiously. As Rachel's hug went on, Frodo's face began to turn blue.  
  
"Can't...breathe..." choked Frodo, waving his arms frantically as he was held in Rachel's tight grasp.  
  
"Oh...sorry," Rachel said, immediately releasing him. Frodo took a deep breath, and his face returned to its normal hue, as Rachel attempted to compose herself.  
  
"Who...are you?" Frodo panted, trying to catch his breath.  
  
"I'm Rachel. Nice to meet you, Frodo!" she said, holding out a hand for him to shake. He stared at it for a moment, then slowly and cautiously took her hand, and she shook his hand vigorously.  
  
Ten minutes later...  
  
"Okay, you can let go of my hand now," said an irritated Frodo as Rachel continued to shake his hand with the same limitless energy that she had ten minutes earlier.  
  
"Frodo?" Rachel said, releasing his hand.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I love you," Rachel said, embracing Frodo as Bilbo crept away, glad that he was not the target of her affection.  
  
"Oh brother," Frodo muttered as he was enveloped in Rachel's vice-like grip.  
  
*********  
  
"Frodo, have you ever considered getting married?" Rachel asked as she followed Frodo around Rivendell.  
  
"No. I am remaining a bachelor forever," the extremely annoyed hobbit replied.  
  
Rachel, thwarted for the moment, was silent for a while, until she said finally, "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes. Very sure."  
  
Rachel frowned.  
  
"Frodo?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I love you," Rachel said, clinging to Frodo's leg. Frodo struggled to walk as he dragged the clinging Rachel around Rivendell.  
  
*********  
  
"Frodo?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
Ten seconds of silence.  
  
"Frodo?"  
  
"What!?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
Ten seconds of silence.  
  
"Frodo?"  
  
"Wait, don't tell me...you love me."  
  
Rachel grinned. "Yup."  
  
Frodo groaned.  
  
"Frodo?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"I love you."  
  
"Eru save me!" Frodo groaned, as Rachel continued to declare her love to Frodo every ten seconds.  
  
********* 


	2. Rachel joins the council, to Frodo's dis...

9 reviews! WOOT!!! Thank you everyone who reviewed! And, sorry it took so long to get up this second chapter, but my evil parents wouldn't let me get on the computer, so I had to wait until school started again, then sneak a floppy with this story on it to school (it's AMAZING the stuff you can sneak to school if you try....) But since it took so long, here's two chapters in a row! ^ . ^  
  
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"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old, you have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor. All races must share this fate, this one doom. None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall," said Elrond as his council began. "Bring forth the Ring, Frodo."  
  
"WHOOHOO! Go Frodo!" cheered Rachel, as Frodo stood up and placed the Ring on the conveniently placed pedestal. Frodo returned to his seat reluctantly, and stayed as far away from Rachel as possible. (Originally, it had been Gandalf who had sat next to Frodo, but not anymore... Rachel had scurried to beat Gandalf to a seat next to Frodo, and she was now sitting between the two.)  
  
The Council proceeded pretty much the same as it was supposed to, and Rachel remained silent (though she was casting glances at Frodo every ten seconds). That is, she remained silent until Frodo volunteered to take the Ring to Mordor, at which tears of joy came to Rachel's eyes and she said, "My little blue-eyed baby is so brave!" She then ran up next to Frodo and insisted on coming with him, much to Frodo's dismay. Unfortunately for him, no one else seemed to realize that Rachel was what some would call a "rabid fangirl", and no one (other than Frodo, but Rachel didn't listen to him anyway) objected to Rachel's coming.  
  
After Gandalf, Legolas, Aragorn, and everyone else who was supposed to be a Fellowship member came and stood near Frodo, Elrond said, "So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring," to which Rachel squealed with joy and hugged Frodo tightly. Frodo groaned, rolled his eyes, and struggled vainly to get out of Rachel's tight grasp.  
  
*********  
Did you like it? Tell me in a REVIEW!!!! Or I won't write more! :P  
MUAHAHAHAHA!! 


	3. Oh no, not another one!

Alright everyone, here's the third chapter! ^ . ^ Enjoy!  
  


* * *

  
Rachel was sitting alone on a bench in the gardens of Rivendell later that day, muttering to herself.  
  
"Stupid fat hobbit!" Rachel said in a Gollum-like voice. She was mad because she had been chased away from Frodo by Sam and his infamous frying pan.  
  
"I'll get him, my pretty...and his little pan too!" she said, imitating the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz.  
  
Suddenly a sound like a phone ringing far away brought her out of her thoughts. Realizing what it was, she scribbled in her notebook and reappeared in her room in time to catch the phone on its final ring.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey, Rachel? Are you doing anything right now?" It was Rachel's friend, Mark.  
  
"Actually, I was just in Rivendell..."  
  
"No, seriously."  
  
"I'm serious!"  
  
"Prove it."  
  
Rachel grinned. "Okay." She wrote some more in her notebook, and....  
  
"What the...?? Where am I?" Mark said as he and Rachel appeared in Rivendell.  
  
"In Rivendell," Rachel said matter-of-factly. "I just wrote us into Lord of the Rings," she explained, holding up her notebook.  
  
Mark's eyes widened as he took in the scenery, then he turned to Rachel and asked, "Hey...do you think Aragorn's here?"  
  
"I don't think," replied Rachel, "I know. I saw him at the Council."  
  
"You went to the council?"  
  
Rachel grinned. "Yup."  
  
Mark's eyes widened even more. "Did you get to join the Fellowship?"  
  
Rachel nodded. "Yes....although I don't think Frodo was too happy about it..." she said, frowning.  
  
"Oh no, Rachel. You found Frodo? What did you do to him?"  
  
"Uh...." Rachel said, blushing.  
  
"Never mind, Rachel, I don't want to know," Mark said quickly. "Help me find Aragorn, and I'll show you how you're supposed to act when you meet your idol/role model-person."  
  


* * *

  
They finally found Aragorn as he was examining the shards of Narsil. Mark's eyes grew so wide that his eyes seemed to take over his face.  
  
"A-A-Aragorn?" Mark said, as his mouth dropped open in wonder. Aragorn was so startled that he dropped the sword on his foot, then hopped up and down in pain.  
  
"Who're you?" Aragorn asked, looking at Mark suspiciously.  
  
But Mark seemed unable to speak, and he just imitated a goldfish, his mouth opening then closing and opening again.  
  
"SPEAK!" Aragorn said, drawing his sword in defense.  
  
Mark simply mumbled something unintelligible, so Rachel translated for him. "His name is Mark." Mark mumbled something else, and Rachel added, "He thinks it's a great honor to meet you, Aragorn."  
  
Aragorn sheathed his sword. "All right then, Mark." He began to limp away, wincing every time he moved the foot the sword had fallen on.  
  
"Wait! Where are you going?" said Mark, suddenly able to speak.  
  
"I need to tend to my foot," Aragorn replied, limping away.  
  
"I'm coming with you!" Mark said, running up behind Aragorn.  
  
"Fans," Rachel muttered, then followed the two.  
  
*********  
Did you like it? Please review and let me know!!! 


	4. Merry and Pippin Find the Wine

Okay everyone here's the fourth chapter!  
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As Aragorn was followed by Rachel and Mark, Merry and Pippin sat on a bench. They were bored and had nothing to do.  
  
"I'm bored. I have nothing to do," complained Merry to no one in particular.  
  
Meanwhile, an eagle was flying overhead, a wine bottle in its talons. Suddenly the eagle lost its grip on the wine bottle.  
  
"Darnit!" screeched the eagle.  
  
Below, Merry and Pippin heard the screech and looked up in time to see the wine bottle rapidly falling towards them. It hit Pippin on the head.  
  
"Ow!" Pippin yelled, rubbing his head where the wine bottle had hit him.  
  
"What's this?" Merry said, picking up the wine bottle from where it had landed on the ground.  
  
"I think it's a wine bottle," Pippin answered.  
  
Merry and Pippin exchanged glances, grinning widely.  
  


* * *

  
Okay everyone! Please review! Oh, and let me know if you want to be someone's fangirl/fanboy. Please specify which (so I don't say he when it's supposed to be she, or vice versa), and let me know who you want to be a fan of. I might add you in, I might not. It depends on my mood and how many people review with this information. 


	5. And Another One

BwubwubwuBWUUUUUUU!!!! -----Trumpet-sound-imitation (note on this: if you've seen the cast commentary for the Fellowship of the Ring extended edition, this is what Elijah Wood does at the very beginning of the second disc. Elijah: "BwubwubwuBWUUUU!!! Welcome back." Orlando (I think): "Welcome to the second disc.") Here's the Fifth chapter! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! INSANITY AND RANDOMNESS SHALL RULE ALL!!!!!!!! *hem*....Anyway, here you go! Aren't you so proud of me? So many chapters so quickly! I've been writing it during school....one disadvantage: must make many copies of story, as teachers do not appreciate my creative expressions a.k.a. my fanfictions, and keep taking my notebooks!!! GAH!!!! EVIL TEACHERS!!!!!!!!! One more note...If you like this story, please read my other story, When Rowan and Thira Joined the Fellowship. It is NOT a Mary-Sue, despite its Mary-Sue-ish title. It's slightly less insane than this story (seeing as it has a definite plotline), but it is still pretty funny (Example of my Randomness: a moth - Rowan's pet – randomly flies down Frodo's shirt.) If you read it, please review, as I am getting discouraged by my lack of reviews on that story, and I shan't continue unless I get more reviews! I SHALL consider this in whether or not I add you into this story! (Yes, I am evil...) Enjoy, and sorry about my ramblings! Hehehe.... ^ . ^;;  
  
*********  
  
As Merry and Pippin drank more and more wine and got more and more drunk, a Pippin fangirl named Breon Briarwood watched them from behind a tree.  
  
As Pippin finished the last of the wine, Merry frowned. "That's *HIC* all?" He took the bottle from Pippin and looked inside. It was completely empty.  
  
"Do you know where the elves keep their wine?" Merry asked Pippin, who shrugged in reply, hiccuping at the same time.  
  
Seeing this as her cue, Breon Briarwood came out from behind the tree, a bottle of rum in her hand.  
  
"I don't have wine, but I have rum," she said.  
  
"Can we *HIC* have some?"  
  
Breon Briarwood grinned. "Sure. I've already had a quarter of the bottle, so you can split the rest with me."  
  
Thus, another fangirl entered the scene, and assisted in getting Merry, Pippin, and herself drunk via many, many bottles of rum.  
  
*********  
  
As Merry finished off the last of Breon Briarwood's rum, Breon Briarwood eyed Pippin, a plan already forming in her drunken mind.  
  
"Do you have any more *HIC* rum?" asked Merry, throwing the empty bottle into a large pile of empty rum bottles that was forming by Merry's, Pippin's, and Breon Briarwood's feet.  
  
"Nope, *HIC*, sorry," the drunken fangirl replied. "The rum's all *HIC* gone."  
  
"But why *HIC* is the *HIC* rum gone?" asked a drunken Pippin, unknowingly quoting Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Carribean.  
  
"We drank it all," replied Breon Briarwood.  
  
They were all silent for a while, until finally Merry asked, "What do we *HIC* do now?"  
  
Breon Briarwood shrugged, but Pippin looked as if he had an idea. "I know! Let's *HIC* ask the Magic Conch!" he said, pulling out a conch shell from out of his pocket.  
  
"Where did you get that?" Merry asked.  
  
"From a sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea!" Pippin replied.  
  
"Who in their right minds would live under the sea in a pineapple?"  
  
Breon Briarwood, Merry, and Pippin were all extremely shocked when out of nowhere, they heard children's voices yelling, "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!!!"  
  
Recovering quickly, they simply shrugged, and Pippin asked the conch shell, "O Magic Conch shell, what should we do now?"  
  
"Nooooothing," the conch shell replied.  
  
So Merry, Pippin, and Breon Briarwood sat and did "nooooothing" until Frodo and Sam found them several hours later.  
  
*********  
  
Just a reminder... if you want to be in this fanfiction, please tell me who you are a fan of and whether you are a boy or a girl. (In case you are wondering, Rachel is based on me, and Mark is based on one of my Lord-of- the-Rings-obsessed friends, who I am eternally grateful for because he got me a Lord of the Rings ring!) Tune in next time, same random time, same random channel! *puts on her Ring and disappears, to the amazement of all* 


	6. Quvarters

Okay everybody, here's the sixth chapter!! It's very random... ^ . ^ Hope you like it!  
  
*********  
  
"What are you doing?" asked Frodo when they found Merry, Pippin, and Breon Briarwood.  
"Nooooothing," Merry replied.  
"HOLA PESCARDOS!" Pippin yelled. He then ran head-on into a tree.  
"Um, Pippin?"  
"Sí?"  
"...Are you drunk?"  
Pippin hiccuped in response, as Merry and Breon Briarwood began singing, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedle-dee-dee, here they are a-standing in a row..." and forcing Frodo and Sam to dance.  
"Oh brother..." Frodo muttered, causing a random girl who shall now be known as Ali to jump out from behind a bush and say in one breath, "...and a half and a quvarter and a nickel and a penny and a peso and a yen and a lira and a half of a lira and a quvarter of a lira and a nickel of a lira and a penny of a lira and a peso of a lira and a yen of a lira and a lira of a lira of a lira until the end of time when all the television shows were cancelled and there were no more Toaster Strudels and no more randomness and no more insanity and no more Elijah Wood and no more Orlando Bloom and everyone died and went to the emu morgues the end (Bob)."  
Everyone just stared, and the girl vanished with a puff of pink smoke.  
"Okay...that was...odd," said Frodo curiously as he watched the pink smoke fade into nothingness. Suddenly the totally unexpected happened: Frodo saw a blur rushing towards him, and a few seconds later he found himself on the ground, a strange girl smiling at him from where she was sitting on top of him.  
"Hi, Frodo!" she said cheerfully. "I'm Calenor!" She then attacked him with many, many kisses, leaving pink, sparkly lip gloss marks all over his face.  
"Hey!" Sam yelled, wielding his frying pan. "Stop that!" When she didn't stop, Sam whacked her on the head with his frying pan, causing her to Frodo-Scream and turn into a biscuit. With butter.  
"How did you do that?" Frodo asked, edging away from the biscuit named Calenor.  
Sam just shrugged, as the drunken Merry, Pippin, and Breon Briarwood attempted to have a three-person staring contest. 


	7. Legolas Chokes on a Faerie

Here's the seventh chapter! Enjoy! ^ . ^ A/N: The faerie named Squishy is an allusion to my other story, When Rowan and Thira joined the Fellowship. Please read it so you can fully understand what this faerie is. Oh, and just so ya know, "faerie" might be spelled different in that story because my friend wrote that particular part, and I think she spelled it "fairy".  
  
*********  
  
Meanwhile, Legolas was wandering aimlessly through the gardens of Rivendell when he spotted a bright pink faerie named Squishy. Seeing Legolas, the faerie grinned evilly and flew into Legolas' mouth, causing him to choke.  
  
As gus face began to turn blue from lack of air, he heard someone far- off sing, "Here I come to save the DAAAAY!" and a girl known as The Lady of Mirkwood arrived out of nowhere and gave Legolas the Heimlich manuever. The faerie popped out of Legolas' mouth and flew away, but not before screeching curses in faerie-ish at The Lady of Mirkwood.  
  
"Thank...you..." Legolas panted, looking gratefully at his rescuer.  
  
"You're welcome," The Lady of Mirkwood said, grinning widely.  
  
As Legolas and The Lady of Mirkwood chatted cheerfully, a girl named Lindi watched them with jealousy from behind a shrubbery. She left quickly and quietly, muttering about how she was the only rightful bride of Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood.  
  
*********  
  
Okay everyone, please review this story! *****you are being sent a subliminal message.....you will click the little purple button and review!!!!.....*draws sword and holds it threateningly close to her reader's neck*... "OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!!"***** 


	8. Civilians and Sparrows

Ahhhhh....typing a lord of the rings fanfiction while listening to my lord of the rings soundtracks, staring at my Frodo watermark and my homemade Frodo background, as the floor around me is littered with Frodo- everything.....I'm in bliss.... *sighs happily*  
  
*********  
  
Queen of Shadows frowned. She had come so far to see Elladan and Elrohir, and now two elves were standing in the doorway of the twins' bedchambers, blocking her.  
  
"This area is off-limit to civilians," said one of the elves.  
  
"I'm terribly sorry," answered Queen of Shadows, "I didn't know. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately."  
  
The two elves looked at each other, then back at Queen of Shadows. "Are you not a civilian?"  
  
"Uh...no..." replied Queen of Shadows.  
  
"Then you must answer three questions correctly to pass through."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"First...what is your name?"  
  
"Queen of Shadows."  
  
"What is your quest?"  
  
"To seek the Holy Gra- I mean, to seek Elladan and Elrohir."  
  
"Thirdly...what's the air/speed velocity of a swallow carrying a coconut?"  
  
"Do you mean a Lothlórien swallow or a Gondorian swallow?"  
  
The two elves glanced at each other. "I don't know..."  
  
They were magically flung into a random pit, and Queen of Shadows proceeded into Elladan's and Elrohir's bedchambers.  
  
********* If you haven't seen Pirates of the Caribbean or Monty Python and the Holy Grail...GO SEE THEM, NOW!!!!!! That's all I've got to say, because I'm assuming that you've read/seen Lord of the Rings. If you've done neither, you wouldn't be reading this (I hope). If you haven't read/seen Lord of the Rings, FOR GOD SAKES, CHILD, DO IT, NOW, BEFORE YOU BRING DEATH AND DESTRUCTION (and muffins, but that's besides the point) TO US ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~NiennaElanor, crazed Frodo fangirl and Tolkien expert extraordinaire~ 


	9. And Yet Another One

Wow! The ninth chapter!!! OOOOH, LOOK, THE MAGIC NUMBER, NINE!!!!! What insanity, randomness, insane randomness, and random insanity could this chapter possibly hold??? Read/review to find out!!!  
  
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Aragorn tended to his foot, and Mark and Rachel watched. Mark was still shocked that he was in Rivendell, and looked at everything in wonder. Rachel, however, was pondering how she was going to get Sam out of her way so she could not be hindered next time she found Frodo.  
  
Since Aragorn was busy tending to his foot, he did not notice that an Aragorn fangirl by the name of Cassandra was running towards him until she was on top of him – literally.  
  
"What in Middle Earth?! Who are you?" Aragorn asked from where he had fallen on the floor after Cassandra had tackled him.  
  
"Hi, Aragorn!" she said cheerfully. "I'm Cassandra. I'm your biggest fan!"  
  
At this, Mark stepped forward. "No, I am!"  
  
"No you're not, I am!"  
  
"No, I am!"  
  
"No, I am!!!"  
  
"I am!"  
  
"There's no possible way that you could be his biggest fan."  
  
"How do you figure that?"  
  
"Because I'M his biggest fan!"  
  
"No, you're not," argued Mark. "You don't even have his ring!"  
  
Cassandra glanced at his fingers. On one of them, the famed ring of Barahir could be seen. Struggling to come up with a good comeback, she said, "Yeah, well...I have an Aragorn poster!" she said, pulling a poster out of nowhere and whacking Mark on the head with it.  
  
Suddenly Rachel's little sister, Katie, appeared out of nowhere. "You're both wrong. I'm Aragorn's biggest fan!" she said, running up to Aragorn and giving him a hug.  
  
"How did YOU get here?" Rachel asked, glaring at her nine-year-old sister.  
  
Katie shrugged.  
  
"Well, say goodbye," Rachel said, holding up her notebook and grinning evilly.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!" said Katie, running towards her sister in slow motion, as Rachel quickly wrote in her notebook. Just as Katie reached her older sister, Rachel finished writing, and Katie disappeared in a puff of green smoke.  
  
"Who was that?" Mark, Cassandra, and Aragorn all said at the same time.  
  
"That was my sister," Rachel answered.  
  
"How did she get here?"  
  
Rachel shrugged. "I don't know." Putting away her notebook, she began walking away.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"I'm going to find Frodo," Rachel replied over her shoulder.  
  
As Rachel left, Cassandra and Mark resumed fighting over who was the biggest Aragorn fan.  
  
*********  
  
Okay everyone, that's all for now! Please read and review both this story and my other story, even if you have nothing to say. If I don't get reviews on my other story soon, I shan't continue either story, so REVIEW!!!!! (Please.) One more note...thank you to all my reviewers! The more you review, the more I will like you, and the more likely I will let you get *closer* with whoever you are a fan of. (No, I didn't mean anything wrong by "closer". Sheesh, do you have a sick mind or something?! :P) If you don't continue to review, I will either A.) make whoever you are a fan of mad at you (somehow) in this story, or B.) drop you out of the story completely, probably via killing you off. (Yes, I am evil.... :P) So REVIEW!!!!! 


	10. In Which There is Much Insanity and Rand...

Wow, ten chapters! Thank you to all of my reviewers, especially to those who have reviewed multiple times...You all keep this story going! I couldn't do it without you! (Well, actually, I could, but it would be much less insane and would probably bore you.) So thank you, everyone! ^ . ^ *hands out cyber-brownies to all her reviewers* ....and out of twenty-four reviews (as of 2/28/04), not ONE of them is a flame! THANK YOU, EVERYONE!!!!!  
  
*********  
  
Rachel was wandering around the Rivendell gardens looking for Frodo when suddenly there was a puff of yellow smoke, and one of Rachel's best friends, a Legolas fangirl named Kena appeared, and upon seeing each other, there was much excited, high-pitched screaming by both of them.  
  
When they stopped screaming, Rachel asked Kena, "How did you get here?"  
  
Kena held up her own notebook, a blue one with a picture of a dragon on it, in reply. "What're you doing here?"  
  
"Looking for Frodo. What else would I be doing?" Rachel asked, grinning.  
  
Kena shrugged. "I'll come with you," she said, "I have to make sure you don't do anything to him," she added, grinning as well.  
  
They eventually found Frodo, but to Rachel's dismay, he had already been backed into a corner and trapped by two girls – Calenor, who had somehow managed to reverse the effects of Sam's frying pan, and a girl named Lia, who had managed to dispose of Sam....by tying him to a tree. His frying pan lay at his feet. Merry, Pippin, and Breon Briarwood were nowhere to be seen.  
  
Rachel and Kena stared at this odd scene for a moment, but soon they sprang into action. Rachel knocked the two girls out with a random eggbeater, and then Kena bound and gagged them with some rope.  
  
"Thank you," Frodo said, smiling at them gratefully.  
  
"Hey, what about me?" Sam asked from where he was tied to the tree. Kena went over to him and freed him.  
  
"You're welcome," Rachel replied to Frodo, returning his smile. "Anything for my favorite blue-eyed hobbit," she added, grabbing him and hugging him tightly.  
  
Frodo groaned, as he was once again enveloped in Rachel's tight, smothering hug.  
  
*********  
  
Did you like it? Tell me in a REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I shall be very happy and shall smother you with cyber-brownies (that's a good thing). 


	11. The Fellowship Finally Leaves Rivendell

HOLA PESCARDOS!!!!! Here's the eleventh chapter!!! The fellowship FINALLY leaves Rivendell! What possible randomness could occur in this chapter hold? Read and find out!  
  
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Queen of Shadows looked around Elladan's and Elrohir's bedchambers, her eyes wide. And then she spotted them – Elladan and Elrohir, who were staring at her curiously.  
  
"How did you get in here?" asked Elrohir.  
  
Queen of Shadows shrugged. "I walked." She stood there, hesitating, wondering who she was going to tackle first.  
  
A few seconds later, Elladan found himself on the floor, Queen of Shadows on top of him.  
  
"We're gong to have so much fun together!" she said excitedly.  
  
*********  
  
A few days later, the Fellowship finally left Rivendell, but now it was quite a bit bigger. Not only were there Frodo, Legolas, Gandalf, Gimli, Aragorn, Merry, Pippin, Sam, and Boromir, but now several other people were with them: Cassandra, Mark, The Lady of Mirkwood, Lindi, Kena, Lia, Calenor, Rachel, and Breon Briarwood. Queen of Shadows had chosen to stay in Rivendell, much to Elladan's and Elrohir's dismay.  
  
As they started out, Kena, who was walking next to her friend Rachel, spotted Gimli.  
  
"Hey, look! It's a dwarf!" Kena said to Rachel. She then proceeded to poke Gimli many, many times.  
  
Others, however, were spending their time rather differently...  
  
"I'm Aragorn's biggest fan!"  
  
"No you're not, I am!"  
  
"I am!"  
  
"No, I am!"  
  
Cassandra and Mark were still bickering over who was the bigger Aragorn fan.  
  
The Lady of Mirkwood and Lindi, the girl who had watched Legolas and The Lady of Mirkwood from behind a shrubbery, were on either side of Legolas. Legolas looked rather glad that he had so many admirers, but he had not been unfortunate enough to be tackled or hugged to death like Frodo (yet). Maybe this was because his fans were slightly less insane, or perhaps it was because the two girls were too busy glaring at each other behind Legolas' back, each certain that they were Legolas' bride-to-be.  
  
Lia was walking next to Frodo and staring at his ear. After she did this for several minutes, Frodo turned and asked her, "Why are you staring at my ear?"  
  
"It's pointy." Frodo walked in stunned silence for a moment, until Lia added, "Can I touch it?"  
  
"No," Frodo said irritably.  
  
"Hey, Frodo?" Calenor asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Can we get married?"  
  
"Yeah, sure," Frodo said sarcastically.  
  
Calenor grinned triumphantly at Lia, who glared at her in return. "Really?" she asked, not catching Frodo's sarcasm.  
  
"No! Of course not!" Frodo said as if he had just been asked the stupidest, most obvious question ever.  
  
Calenor sighed, disappointed.  
  
Meanwhile, Breon Briarwood was teaching Pippin how to play Tig.  
  
"Tog," she said, poking Pippin on the nose.  
  
"Tig," Pippin said, poking Breon Briarwood on the shoulder.  
  
"No, that's wrong. You can't tig on a tog!"  
  
"Okay, well then, tag," Pippin said, poking Breon Briarwood on the arm.  
  
"No, no, no! If your going to tag someone whose first and last initials are the same, you have to do an Oliphaunt impression."  
  
Pippin sighed. "I'm never going to understand this game."  
  
*********  
  
Whoohoo! That was fun! I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it! Just a quick note: Please check out my friend Kena's stories! They are really funny! Toodles! ~NiennaElanor~ 


	12. Kamikaze Chickens

Here's chapter 12! Thanks to all of my faithful reviewers!  
  
*********  
  
"Are we there yet?" Pippin whined.  
  
"No," answered Gandalf.  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"No!" Gandalf patience was dwindling.  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
Gandalf turned to face Pippin. "Don't make me turn this Fellowship around!"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
Five seconds of silence.  
  
"Are we there now?"  
  
Gandalf whacked Pippin on the head with his staff, causing Pippin's hair to catch fire. Pippin immediately began running around in circles and screaming, "HELP! MY HAIR'S ON FIRE!"  
  
Gandalf sighed.  
  
Suddenly Rachel, who was wearing a chicken suit for some odd reason, flew into Gandalf.  
  
"Ba-BAWK!!"  
  
BOOM!!!!!  
  
There was a small explosion, and Rachel, the chicken suit, and Gandalf were all engulfed in green flames.  
  
"What was that?" Merry asked, staring at this scene with wide eyes.  
  
"That," said Kena, grinning widely, "was a kamikaze chicken."  
  
Merry merely stared, uncomprehending.  
  
Meanwhile, Cassandra and Mark were glaring at each other in icy silence, each convinced that they were Aragorn's number one fan.  
  
Frodo groaned. Lia was clinging to his left arm and Calenor to his right arm, making it very hard for him to walk, as the girls, being taller than him, nearly lifted him off of the ground.  
  
Breon Briarwood, meanwhile, was attempting to douse the fire on Pippin's head, but without much success, since she was using a tiny squirtgun that only squirted a few drops at a time.  
  
Seeing this, Sam moved forward, holding a Magic Bucket which shall now be known as Phil. "Let me do it," Sam said. Breon Briarwood stepped back, and Sam dumped the water on Pippin, putting out the fire.  
  
"Where'd you get that bucket?" Breon Briarwood asked Sam.  
  
"Well, back home, I'm known as Sam the Volunteer Fireman, because I have this magic bucket that never goes empty," he said, showing Breon Briarwood the bucket named Phil. It was full, as if it had never been emptied. Sam then tossed the bucket at Rachel, the chicken suit, and Gandalf, soaking them completely.  
  
"YIPPEE! A BATH!" cheered Gandalf, grinning widely. He then cast off his grey robes. Underneath was a robe of many colors.  
  
"See? I am no longer Gandalf the Grey. Now I am Gandalf of Many Colors!" he said. A random disco ball appeared, and Gandalf began dancing, '70's style. It was NOT a pretty sight.  
  
"O...kay..." said several members of the Fellowship.  
  
"AAAH! IT BURNS!" Frodo screamed, falling to the ground and having convulsions.  
  
"Frodo? Are you okay?" Rachel asked, stepping out of her chicken suit and stuffing it into her pack.  
  
"Scary...Gandalf...disco..." Frodo mumbled, rocking back and forth and sucking on his thumb.  
  
Several hours later, Gandalf finally stopped doing the disco, but they could not continue on that day, as Frodo was still rocking back and forth and sucking on his thumb.  
  
*********  
  
Did ya like it? Tell me in a REVIEW!!! 


	13. Name Calling

Hey, sorry its taken so long...have been kinda busy in between following this one guy around everywhere he goes (he is still TOTALLY oblivious, although my friend and I have been talking about him in homeroom....with him sitting RIGHT next to me.... *sighs* why must guys be so friggin SLOW?!?!) and writing other fanfictions, It's Never Truly Healed and another one that me and my best friend are writing which is really funny but shall never be put on fanfiction.net because it is slightly Mary-Sueish (although I HAVE put a very interesting twist on it....) ....Okay, maybe I will put the beginning of it up, cuz that part's funny yet not Mary-Sueish....but it does involve one of the actors, so I'm not sure if that allowed. Shall have to *gasp* actually READ the rules!!!! Anyway, here you go, the thirteenth chapter (beware if you have triscadeccaphobia - that's fear of the number thirteen. Arachabutyrophobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. Ablutophobia is the fear of bathing. Agorophobia is...) Okay, enough rambling. Now READ!!!!  
  
*********  
  
The next morning, they set off again, but they had not gotten very far when Rachel's friend Sarah popped up out of nowhere and started asking Frodo pointless questions.  
  
"Hi, is your name Michelle?"  
  
"No...."  
  
"Are you sure? Because you look like a Michelle."  
  
"Do I?"  
  
Sarah grinned. "Yup."  
  
"Well, it's not."  
  
"...How about Ashley? Is your name Ashley?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Rebecca?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Beth?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Rachel?"  
  
"That's her name," Frodo said, pointing to Rachel, who grinned.  
  
"Hi, Sarah."  
  
"Hi." Turning back to Frodo, she said, "Is your name...Stephanie?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Lauren?"  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"NO!!!" Frodo yelled irritably.  
  
"How about.... Cathy?"  
  
"His name's Frodo," Rachel said, but she was trying not to laugh. Kena, Cassandra, Lia, and Breon Briarwood were all rolling around on the ground, laughing hysterically. Mark looked at this scene curiously, but said nothing. Lindi, The Lady of Mirkwood, and Calenor were busy staring at Gandalf, who was still wearing his robe of many colors.  
  
"Are you sure your name's not...Heather?" Sarah asked.  
  
Frodo screamed and tackled Sarah, who immediately did a tai kwon do defense move that ended with Frodo lying on his back and Sarah with one foot pushing on Frodo's stomach, preventing Frodo from breathing.  
  
"Sarah..." Rachel said warningly. When Sarah didn't stop, Rachel began scribbling in her notebook, and soon Sarah vanished in a puff of orange smoke.  
  
"Thank... you..." Frodo panted, getting up and looking at Rachel gratefully.  
  
"No problem. Anything for my favorite hobbit," Rachel said, grinning. She then ran over to Frodo and hugged him tightly.  
  
Frodo sighed.  
  
*********  
  
Didja like it? Please tell me in a review! Also, please give me any suggestions or ideas you might have, because I am running low on ideas (another reason why I haven't updated in a while). Thankies in advance! ~NiennaElanor~ 


	14. The Fans' Doom

Muahahahahahhaha!!!!! I am evil!!!!! Yes, preciousss....read and see! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *clothes catch on fire* AAAH!!! *runs around in circles screaming her head off*  
  
*********  
  
The Fellowship-of-Many-People was walking when suddenly -  
  
"Do, do, do-do-do..." A tune from the Lord of the Rings soundtrack could be heard.  
  
"What the...?!" The sound was coming from Rachel's bag.  
  
"Uh, ehehehe..." Rachel opened her bag and took out a cell phone.  
  
"Hello...yes...yeah, he's here..." As Rachel talked on her cell phone, the nine original members of the Fellowship (who had never seen a cell phone before) stared at her curiously.  
  
"What is this strange contraption?" Boromir asked, stepping forward.  
  
Suddenly a random girl known as Ciel-Undomiel popped up out of nowhere and said, "It's a cell phone. You press a button, and it turns into a rabid rabbit and bites you."  
  
"WHAT?! No way!....Really?....No!" Rachel was still talking on her cell. Ciel-Undomiel randomly snatched it out of her hand and pressed a button. To everyone's surprise, it turned into a rabbit.  
  
"Rabbit?! FOOD!!" Pippin said excitedly. He started to run towards the rabbit.  
  
"Pippin, no!" Breon Briarwood said, but it was too late. The rabbit jumped up and bit Pippin on the ear.  
  
"AUGH!!" Pippin Frodo-screamed and ran around in circles, until Legolas took an arrow and shot the rabbit, causing it to fall off of Pippin's ear.  
  
There was a large crack and a blinding flash of light, and in place of the rabbit was...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...a seminonexistent pole!!  
  
Merry poked the pole, which caused it to squeal and turn into a fox floating inside of a pink bubble. The bubble floated over to Frodo and bounced on his head several times. Sam poked it, and it squealed again and floated away.  
  
"Okay...that was...odd..." Ciel-Undomiel said. Quickly recovering, she turned to Aragorn, and with an evil grin, she tackled him.  
  
"Aragorn! I'm your biggest fan!"  
  
"...That's what they all say," The Lady of Mirkwood said, causing Ciel-Undomiel to glare at her.  
  
"What do YOU know about it?! Nothing!" Ciel-Undomiel said, quoting The Two Towers.  
  
"I do SO know something about it!"  
  
"Nuh-uh!"  
  
"Yeah-huh!"  
  
"Nuh-uh!"  
  
"Yeah-huh!"  
  
"Nuh-uh!"  
  
"Yeah-huh!"  
  
"Nuh-uh!"  
  
"Yeah-huh!"  
  
...And this continued to go on for twenty more minutes, until Rachel lost patience with their bickering and yelled, "SILENCE!!!" All turned and stared at her.  
  
"All right," Rachel said menacingly, "There are WAAAAAY too many people in this Fellowship. Someone has to go."  
  
"Not me!!" said Mark, Cassandra, Ciel-Undomiel, The Lady of Mirkwood, Lindi, Kena, Breon Briarwood, Lia, and Calenor.  
  
Rachel grinned evilly. "Yes, someone has to go, because I am the authoress of this fanfiction and I SAID SO!!"  
  
"But..." Rachel continued, "To torture you all, I'm going to wait until the next chapter to tell you who has to go!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" screamed all the fangirls (besides the Authoress) and the lone fanboy.  
  
*********  
  
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Yes, I AM evil!!!! But don't worry, I shall be fair...somewhat...maybe... *grins evilly, causing already-charred clothes to catch on fire again* *runs around in circles until the flames completely envelope her*  
  
X_X....I'm dead.... MAINLY DUE TO MY SO-CALLED FRIEND SARAH, WHO TOLD THE GUY I LIKED THAT I LIKED HIM....RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!!!! *strangles Sarah to death for her betrayal* DIE, SARAH, DIE!!!!!!!!!!! X-P 


	15. Rachel's Revenge

CHAPTER 15!!!!!!! MOOHOOOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! *chokes* Here it is....the fans' doom, part 2!!!! PREPARE TO DIE A PAINFUL DEATH OF MISERY AND PAIN!!!!!!!!! ....oh, and....sorry it took so long....I've been really busy lately, and on top of that, I now have FOUR fanfictions out, and I'm struggling to keep up with all of them, that and...I have not been able to get online, even though it's spring break as I type this (although I won't be able to post it until Monday or Tuesday...) Anyway, enjoy... and I think many of you will be very happy, because I only picked one person to get "voted off the fanfiction" (although, one, no one voted, and two, they might be coming back at a later time). But the main reason would be...I think my parents have drugged me with some ADHD (attention defecit hyperactive disorder) medicine, as I woke up one day and was not feeling NEARLY as spastic (very odd...), which you can probably see by reading my two latest fanfictions. In fact, I have been feeling downright depressed lately... :( Oh well. Anyways, here you go!!  
  
*********  
  
"Okay, Let the Council of Rachel proceed!!!!" Rachel said, banging a random gavel on a random podium. Everyone was sitting in a circle surrounding a bonfire, and all the fangirls and the one fanboy were holding torches. (A/N: Remind you of Survivor, anyone? Haven't watched that show in ages...)  
  
"First, we are removing THE WEAKEST LINK!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!" Rachel brought a record player over, turned it on, and it plays....the alphabet?!?! O_o "uh...." Rachel turns the record over. Dramatic music with shrieks and lightning now plays.  
  
*stops laughing evilly* "Okay, now for the WEAKEST LINK!!!!! ... ...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...Mark, please come forward."  
  
Mark comes forward.  
  
"You are an in despicable person and a hypocrite for saying you wouldn't avoid me just cuz I liked you and now you're doing it anyway. F*** YOU!!!!! ...you are the WEAKEST LINK. GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X-P"  
  
So Mark the evil hypocrite disappeared in a puff of pink and purple polka-dotted (with blue and green plaid) smoke.  
  
"And now....to bring on MORE PEOPLE!!!!!!!"  
  
********* ehehehehe....sorry, just had to get that out of my system....yes. I liked him but now I DON'T!!!!! SO THERE, YOU $*(%&#$ LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


End file.
